K__ and I are a little less volatile than the stock market as of late, though I hesitate to declare that an improvement in absolute terms. She took I__ to the beach with T__ and his kids for Memorial Day weekend. I received a mysterious text message in the middle of it. It contained but the single word, “Sorry”. I wasn’t sure I should start jumping to major conclusions right away, so I jumped to minor ones. Maybe she’d sent (or thought she’d sent) a text to me accidentally that was meant for someone else. Or maybe she’d redialed me and hung up before my phone rang. Without any context, I didn’t have anything to go on, and I tried to forget about it.
Still, when the night-night phone call with I__ came around I couldn’t resist asking what that was all about. She dodged mostly and I didn’t pursue it any further, but she did manage to spit out that she’d been thinking about things and was feeling sorry.
The next few phone calls and meetings saw similar abbreviated expressions. She dropped at least one more “sorry” into a “goodbye” and more than once an I-love-you-slash-inclusive-I-love-you-guys when dropping off I__ at my place. I wonder if that’s the best she can do. I wonder if I should do more to acknowledge the baby-steps. I wonder what happened with T__ that brought all this on.
I__ spent this last weekend with me, and we spent the better part of it with B__ (who he loves completely without the messy reservations his father has). We slept at her place, and he ratted me out (like always) during the goodnight phone call to mom. K__ was none too pleased and I haven’t gotten any further amorous rhetoric since. I’d say I don’t give a shit except, clearly I do.
We’ve been spending more time together recently due to I__ starting kindergarten this year. We’ve visited three different schools — some more than once. Last week was orientation at the one we chose. Afterwards we got lunch together as a family. It was awkward but went ok — great considering it was the most time we’ve spent together in months. Yesterday morning, I dropped I__ off at her place and she offered coffee — I really wanted some, so I accepted though I’ve declined similar offers in the past. It was all business, a lot less uncomfortable, dare I say it, platonic.
B__ has said a dozen times that her biggest fear is that K__ and I will get back together. I don’t think it’s very likely (and getting less likely all the time), but it may well be my biggest fear too.