It’s been awhile without an update, and trust me when I say I’m a lot more upset about that than you are. If amazing things were happening, I’d have written about them already.
When I started this site, the scope was meant to be significantly wider than a mere chronicling my newly-single romantic exploits. I’ve often felt that my life feels a bit like the movie “Groundhog Day,” except for me, it’s more like New Year’s. It’s like I’m permanently stuck in the mode of making my resolutions and rarely graduate into manifesting them.
Finding new love wasn’t my only goal. There were the seminal stand-bys of working out and cooking / eating better. A book or two in need of writing. A few art pieces. Entrepreneurial projects. Most of these had been surfing the limbo long before any serious contemplation of divorce entered the picture. Separating complicated some of the money-management line items. I need to replace my car, buy a house, save for retirement again.
K__ still doesn’t have a job, and I can feel the resentment festering by the day. Plenty of time and energy to have an affair, but precious little to contribute to her exquisite taste in Very Nice Things ™. It’s classic, boring, and cliche.
On the good days, I have the perspective to see the vast distance between my own brand of slacker laziness and hers. But on bad days we are absolutely equivalent in that regard, and perhaps my self-righteousness the rest of the time makes me the more wretched person.
All of this being a long prelude to say that I’ve been staying busy working, and it shows no signs of receding any time soon. I’m running on five to six hours sleep per night over the last three days, and the coming weekend will bring more of the same. I feel old, slightly cranky, hung-over-ish, but it’s a huge boost to my self-esteem to feel productive. The Nazis didn’t invent the idea that “Arbeit macht frei,” but they seem to have succeeded in helping make the idea very, very unpopular.