I keep remembering things I thought I might be able to say, that I wouldn’t be able to reveal without some small veil of anonymity. The little thoughts that helped me decide to finally start the site. Mostly things that might present legal problems later, but also emotional details that, while discussion-worthy and (dare I say) interesting to read, might also cause me social problems if publicized. Just me knowing it was known might weird me out plenty in its own.
But I did recall something that came to mind before I managed to get the domain registered. I thought it, and wondered if it was true:
K__ and I finally got tired of living with this annoying, depressed other person who was so convinced they had it so hard. It depressed us, annoyed us, started forming vicious circles…
I told you I was having bouts of only remembering the good stuff. Or maybe this is my usual self devil’s advocacy. In any case, I forgot about it until just now when I was sitting here contemplating the year. This site gives me a chance to try out some radical honesty & self reflection, and that’s a far better use than talking extra-legal smack about my wife. I didn’t want the year to go out without breathing the thought into the universe–it’s so distilled, encompasses such a wide range of issues. It has a certain “truthyness.” It assigns no inherent (certainly not unequal) blame.
I’m not sure if it’s true or not, but it’s a thought that’s given me pause. And New Year’s Eve is a time for such things.
To the chapter after 2009. To 2010.