Last night I told my wife I’d made the appointment to sign a lease. She repeated the same questions she’s asked before, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” Not wanting to treat the situation lightly, I try to take the time to think about my answers before speaking, but I don’t come up with anything new, “No, I’m not sure.”
The long silence between us as we take turns speaking is a heavy punctuation. I keep expecting the echo of it to drown out what’s said after.
“Do you still love me?”
“I’m so disinvested now, I don’t even know how to answer that.”
“Are we still friends?”
“We’re barely business partners. We’re roommates.”
On it went through the night. Suddenly she’s finding the courage and intelligence to ask all the right questions.
“If I ended my ‘friendship’ with T__, would you stay?” (scare quote emphasis is mine)
“I don’t know. I didn’t honestly think that was on the table.”
It rained all yesterday, last night, and it’s still going strong. This morning she cried and asked for a hug as I left for work.
Goddamn, human beings are so stupid; by which I mean they’re perfectly capable of figuring out what’s important once it’s being lifted off their fingertips, but not one fraction of a moment before.